Tuesday, December 4, 2007

I hope I have the grace

A wise person once told me, "Do not allow yourself only friends your own age, because when they go, they'll all go at once."

This is very good advice, but also for the perspective brought on by age and experience.

Just now, I am getting a lesson in handling life's losses with grace and dignity.

I get calls from time to time from an older friend, "I got this email, I don't know anything about it, and maybe you can remember it for me." Or, "This lady called about a budget page that's due today for a grant, I don't know her name, but do you, by chance, know what she's talking about?"

Sometimes it can be alarming, what he forgets. His wife makes sure he remembers the important things, but the business details and names sometimes fall away. We've learned not to leave things for him--better to give them to her, or leave a note. Email sometimes confuses him--he'll forget or get alarmed by old correspondence so it is just best to conduct business in person.

What amazes me is his attitude. I have never seen someone lose something so vital and be so matter-of-fact about it. I know he feels it, but he doesn't show an ounce of grief over his inability to remember things. He just forges ahead, asks for help without embarrassment, as if it were perfectly normal to need help remembering the simplest things. And you know what? It is normal, very normal, and something most of us will probably face some day. But he always says with a smile and a chuckle--and says as if it were the first time, "you know, I sometimes can't remember things so well." Boy, do we know, but he makes it easy to want to help.

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